Often you’ll find yourself with just a spoon, so that obviously goes in your right hand and you eat, that’s easy. If you have a spoon and a fork, the spoon goes in your right hand, the fork in your left. The fork is used to push food onto the spoon, which is used for eating. The spoon is also used a bit like a knife, but with more of a spearing/pulling/tearing action between the fork and the spoon.
Despite the theory that Javanese people don’t eat with their left hand, people often hold a krupuk (rice cracker), and sometimes pieces of food like tahu (tofu) or tempe, in their left hand and eat it.
Traditionally Javanese people don’t use cutlery at all, and you may find yourself in a situation where you need to eat with your hands. You will be given a finger bowl to wash your right hand before and after eating. Use your right hand only. Using three fingers and your thumb pick up rice in ball-like shapes. For chicken or duck, use your right hand to pull off small pieces instead of picking the whole thing up. When you’ve nearly finished you can pick it up and gnaw/suck the bones. You can usually ask for cutlery anyway, and many people wouldn’t expect a foreigner to eat with their hands.
At home people have one drink (usually tea) that they drink slowly over several hours or more, rather than a drink with each meal. There is no pressure to finish your drink at someone’s house.
I’ve heard people say that it’s polite to leave some food on your plate, but from what I’ve seen here, I don’t think that’s true.
As a guest in someone’s house you are often expected to serve yourself first (then each person serves him/herself), so you can’t watch others and copy them. Take rice first, then vegetables/stew, then meat (one piece), tofu or tempe, then krupuk. It’s more polite to take too little food than too much. You don’t always need to take every type of food, and you can often take additional pieces of tofu or tempe and krupuk during the meal.
When you have finished eating, the polite way to leave your cutlery is face down in the bowl/plate, with the spoon crossed over the fork, or if just using a spoon, leave it face down.
Javanese people tend to eat first, and then drink, instead of drinking sips between mouthfuls of food. Some people say this is more polite. The concept of a long meal with lots of conversation does not exist in Javanese culture. Although there may be some chatting during a meal, the focus is usually on eating.
No one drinks tap water here – Javanese people boil water to purify it or use bottled water. When buying bottled water, ask for aqua. The word for drinking (boiled) water is air putih and that’s what you would ask for in someone’s house. Plenty of people drink tea more than water here – Javanese tea, not English tea. Ask for teh, then panas is hot, es is ice – teh panas and es teh. People drink their tea very sweet (manis) – if you would prefer it without sugar, ask for teh tawar. Javanese tea never has milk.
Javanese people rarely take their own food and drink (snacks, bottled drinks) anywhere. There are places to buy food and drinks everywhere so it is rarely necessary. It is considered impolite to drink your own drink or eat your own food in someone else’s house, unless you have given it to your hosts as a gift, or you are sharing it with everyone. It is better to eat and drink what you are given.